Brittney Williams
Professor Benedict
English 298
29 November 2016
Introduction Edits
The first excerpt I read was that on wooden spoons and, more generally, the progression of kitchen technology. An aspect of the writing that I particularly admired was the casual, almost conversational, tone that the author was able to maintain throughout the piece. As the author changed topics from introducing the paper, to the importance of his topic, to the possible counterarguments, the piece remained lighthearted, almost as if the narrator was merely having a conversation with another person. Even when referring to the history of cooking, the author used a slightly humorous tone to capture the attention of the reader. The second piece on the refrigeration of eggs took a similar approach in the tone of the narrator; however, the author used a large amount of quotes in order to support his argument. In my piece, I would like to try to do the same with my tone, making the piece a lighthearted work that is enjoyable to read, rather than a piece that seems to drag on endlessly.
Original Introduction Paragraph:Although three dimensional printers are a relatively new technology, they are already making a large impact on today’s society both economically and environmentally. The many applications of three dimensional printers allow for their wide reaching affect. Whether the use is merely production based or application to research in surgical development, the environmental, cultural, and economic affects must be considered in order to determine whether the technology is considered successful; however, there is not much to consider. Although the three dimensional printer may have a slight negative environmental impact (if any), it is not great enough to outweigh the economic and cultural benefit, therefore leading to the conclusion that the technology has had an ultimately positive effect on the society it was introduced into.
Edited Introduction Paragraph:The three dimensional printer has stormed into today’s society, catching the attention of a large variety of people . Although three dimensional printers are a relatively new technology (mere decades old) researchers have begun research into their impact economically, culturally, and environmentally . The many applications of three dimensional printers allow for their wide reaching affect. Whether the use is merely production based or application to research in surgical development, the environmental, cultural, and economic affects must be considered in order to determine whether the technology is considered successful; however, there is not much to consider. Although the three dimensional printer may have a slight negative environmental impact (if any), it is not great enough to outweigh the economic and cultural benefit. This, therefore, leads to the conclusion that the technology has had an ultimately positive effect on the society it was introduced into.
