Assignment for 11/30/16

In “Why The U.S. Chills Its Eggs And Most Of The World Doesn’t” by Rae Ellen Bichell, the author maintains a very casual tone throughout the piece. Bichell does this by using words like “squeamish” and “oddballs”, words that you wouldn’t see in a more formal piece. This allows the authors voice to show through, and not be drowned out by the people they are quoting. In the piece about the wooden spoon, the author has a bit of a more formal tone but allows their voice to show through by using personal anecdotes and experiences. Also, the author would connect to the audience by saying “we”, which was a really good way to keep the reader engaged. Another thing that the author did was they stated their own opinion as if it was fact, allowing for their voice to be heard. I would like to use the method of personal anecdotes/experiences, using the word “we” to connect to the reader better and keep them engaged throughout my essay, and stating my own opinion more.

Original paragraph:

The hypodermic needle is a revolutionary technology that has largely influenced the medical community. This influence has been so great that extremely large quantities of needles are used and relied upon every day for medical procedures such as drawing blood, administering medication, etc. This makes the needle a very important and necessary tool. As well as having a large effect on the medical community, the needle has also drastically effected the drug community. Intravenous drug users have been known to share needles, so often that needle exchange programs were created. Our society has come to fear used needles, as the needle has the potential to pose serious risk to a person’s health, easily able to spread disease from one person to the next if reused rather than discarded. Therefore, it is common practice to throw away needles after one use, so as to avoid the transmission of diseases like HIV and Hepatitis C.

Edited paragraph:

You’re sitting in a doctor’s office, getting your routine vaccinations. When you feel the prick in your arm, your first thought isn’t about how grateful you are that the needle stuck in your arm is doing you a great service by being a convenient and easy way to protect you from illness and disease. In fact, when you feel that prick in your arm you probably silently curse the needle that’s causing you pain, annoyed by the fact that you have to sit here for ten seconds while the nurse injects the fluid into your arm. The hypodermic needle is taken for granted, not given credit for how revolutionary of a technology it truly is. When you sit in that doctor’s office you don’t think about the fact that extremely large quantities of needles are used and relied upon every day for medical procedures. You don’t think about how important and necessary of a tool it really is. You also don’t think about how dangerous that needle is, apart from the pain of the nurse not being able to find your vein. However, the needle has the ability to spread as many diseases as it has prevented if used incorrectly and not respected.

 

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