Tone Analysis and Introduction-Carter

When reading the two essays, one detail in particular stuck out to me: though they remain extremely informative, they both took a more light-hearted approach to what they were discussing. This act made the author feel more personable, as if I was having a direct conversation with them, and that fact really hooked my attention and kept it the whole way through. Then, in order to demonstrate the relationship between culture and technology, they really emphasized the difference between the ideas of what the likely readers would hold about the technology and how other people in different places in history and time would have thought about it.

These are definitely characteristics I want to add into my paper in order to enrich it. While I generally write much more serious essays, I feel that taking a more light-hearted approach to writing it would allow me to both have more fun with the essay as well as connect with the readers better on a topic that has had its fair share of frustration in researching. Taking a new approach to the telling of my information and opinions could be what turns a decent paper into a pretty good one. Though I do analyze some cultural differences throughout time, I haven’t really talked about differences depending on location, and certainly not how the two compare to each other. Making my paper more directly relatable to what the reader’s knowledge about the subject is critical to making a better connection.

Original Introduction:

When you watch a competitive track race, one thing that is easy to notice is that all the athletes within a given event wear the same thing. They have a certain type of singlet, shorts, and pair of track spikes on, only differing in what brands they wear. While most people do not give this more than a passing thought, extra attention should be given to the shoes on the athlete’s feet. Whereas running in shorts and a light upper garment is not something special, the advent of the track spike marked a pivotal shift in the racing world, and each change to the way that the shoes were made thereafter has made an impact to how fast athletes can truly be. Unfortunately this progress has been met with revelations in the past two decades that athletic shoes produce more pollutants than regular shoes. However, while track spikes may not be the most environmentally friendly form of footwear right now, their continued research and development already has, and will undoubtedly continue to improve the sport of track, while simultaneously decreasing their harmful effects on the environment.

Revised Introduction:

As an avid runner who ran competitively in high school for three years, track spikes are part of my culture. When selecting a pair of these shoes one must be attentive to exactly how they feel on the foot; different people will require different models of spikes just because of how their feet are shaped. To us, the primary purposes are to get better traction and allow us to better transfer power to the ground in order to run faster. Unfortuately most people do not exactly see track spikes in this way. The average person mainly knows about them from seeing athletes in the Olympics wear them, and they just know that they make the athlete faster. Despite this, there are still other ways of looking at them, including their admittedly high emissions during production. However, while track spikes may not be the most environmentally friendly form of footwear right now, their continued research and development already has, and will undoubtedly continue to improve the sport of track, while simultaneously decreasing their harmful effects on the environment.

 

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