Essay Revisions

by Riley Kopp

Original:

By now, we have all heard about the documents that Edward Snowden has released in his leak of NSA documents back in 2013 and the panic it spread through the media and the population but what does it truly mean?

Revised:

By now, we have all heard about the documents that Edward Snowden has released in his leak of NSA documents back in 2013 and the panic the leaks spread through the media and the population but how do the leaks truly affect society?

Original:

It has also created opportunities to save lives.

Revised:

The Global Positioning System has created opportunities for program developers to save lives.

Original:

However, the programs were developed in order to identify possible terrorist networks or links to known terrorist organizations that could be hidden in any country, so unless there is a connection between someone and a terrorist organization, there shouldn’t really be any issues.

Revised:

However, the programs were developed in order to identify possible terrorist networks or links to known terrorist organizations that could be hidden in any country, so unless a connection exists between someone and a terrorist organization, there shouldn’t really be any issues.

Original:

This leads to the undeniable fact that knowing where we are and how to get where we want to go is rather necessary for a productive society.

Revised:

This situation leads to the undeniable fact that knowing where we are and how to get where we want to go is rather necessary for a productive society.

Original:

This was a huge breakthrough since before the creation of the compass and sextant, it was nearly impossible to sail unless the boat followed the coastline.

Revised:

This discovery was a huge breakthrough since before the creation of the compass and sextant, it was nearly impossible to sail unless the boat followed the coastline.

Original:

But geocaching is much more than that, according to Erik Sherman, the author of Geocaching, Hike and Seek with Your GPS states that: <quote>

Revised:

But geocaching is much more than walking around watching two blips on a screen and trying to make your blip overlap with the geocache blip, according to Erik Sherman, the author of Geocaching, Hike and Seek with Your GPS state’s: <quote>

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