Zombie Word Edits

Original: “Is” Changes

There is also the folklore that a single penny was capable in derailing such massive mode of transportation (Mikkelson), demonstrates the limited amount of faith some of the public held in regards to trains.

Revised:

In addition, the folklore that a single penny was capable of derailing such a massive mode of transportation (Mikkelson) which demonstrates the limited amount of faith that some of the public held in regards to the safety of trains.

Original: “It” Changes

In conclusion, railway terror attacks are a concern for the public, but sensationalized media coverage of such a volatile topic portrays it as a much more pressing matter than it truly is.

Revised:

In conclusion, railway terror attacks are a concern for the public, but sensationalized media coverage of such a volatile topic portrays it as a much more pressing matter illuminating data proves.

Original: “Zombie Word” Changes

Public officials speculate that the implementation of safety systems like the PTC, could have stopped this preventable accident where a passenger train barreled into the station injuring 114 citizens.

Revised:

Public officials speculate that implementing safety systems like the PTC, could have stopped this preventable accident where a passenger train barreled into the station injuring 114 citizens.

Original: “This”Changes

This led to the decline of railway transportation in America which had and still has great potential given its positive contributions to communities and the environment.

Revised:

Negative cultural perceptions led to the decline of railway transportation in America which had and still has great potential given its positive contributions to communities and the environment.

That Revisions:

In my essay all but one of my uses of “that” were used as conjunctions, not nouns and couldn’t be switched out for another word while trying to get the same point across. I chose to keep the one that in the rest of the essay because it was in my anecdote and was punchy, which I like as it gets to the point and eliminates wordiness in the intro.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s