12/5/16 Sentence Edits

tion, ism, ity

Original: The popularity and creation of the muscle car has led to the widespread availability of powerful cars to the American public, which has allowed it the ability to modify American culture through wide scale prevalence.

Revised: Due to increased interest by the public, muscle cars have become more available to the consumer public, which has allowed the muscle car the potential to modify American culture through prevalence.

It, Is

Original: Although not simply a muscle car trend but emphasized by it, many Americans look towards cars as not only vehicles, but toys to be tinkered with, renovated, and improved.

Revised: Although not simply true with just muscle cars, many Americans look towards cars as not only vehicles, but toys to be tinkered with, renovated, and improved.

This, That

Original:The golden age of the muscle car lasted from the begging of the 1960’s until 1973, when the end of cheap fuel caused by the OPEC Oil Embargo lead to environmental regulations that almost killed the muscle car

Revised:The golden age of the muscle car lasted from the begging of the 1960’s until 1973, when the end of cheap fuel caused by the OPEC Oil Embargo lead to environmental regulations on vehicles, almost killing the muscle car

 

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One thought on “12/5/16 Sentence Edits

  1. These are looking better! Take your revisions a step further, though. So take this one as an example:

    Although not simply true with just muscle cars, many Americans look towards cars as not only vehicles, but toys to be tinkered with, renovated, and improved.

    You begin with two negatives, “although,” and “not simply.” If you get rid of that, you can hone in on a much more straightforward statement:

    “Americans treat muscle cars like toys to be tinkered with, renovated, and improved.”

    Do similar work to your other sentences to make them more lucid.

    Like

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