Sentence Revisions

TION-ISM-ITY-IZE

Original-TION

Whether it is called “fly by wire” instead of a physical pulley in a car throttle, or miniaturization in a radio so that it can be used from a phone, tech that 50 years ago people had to create, carry, and use separately are now in most of our pockets for very cheap.

Revised-TION

Whether it is called using “fly by wire” instead of a physical pulley in a car throttle, or using microscopic parts in a radio so that it can be used digitally on a phone, tech that 50 years ago people had to create, carry, and use separately are now in most of our pockets for very cheap.

 

Original-ISM

This is in specific reference to the hardware of such mechanisms, not really the effects that these machines may have

Revised-ISM

This is in specific reference to the hardware of such machines, not really the effects that these may have

 

Original-ITY

This advancement is also what is pushing sustainability issues to the forefront of manufacturing in the digital field.

Revised-ITY

This advancement is also what is pushing sustainable manufacturing issues to the forefront of the digital field.

Original-IZE

More expensive ones could be smaller, but it is only possible to downsize to the size of about an inch square.

Revised-IZE

More expensive ones could be smaller, but it is only possible to constrict the required elements of the design (such as the heating element) to roughly a cubic inch.

IS-IT-THIS-THAT 

Original-IS

Simply put, the transistor is an electrically operated switch.

Revised-IS

Simply put, the transistor can be broken down into an electrically operated switch.

Original-IT

In the age of the vacuum tube, it breaking was a real and present possibility because they were basically lightbulbs with different heating elements.

Revised-IT

In the age of the vacuum tube a failure was a real and present possibility because the tubes were basically lightbulbs with complex heating elements.

Original-THIS

But by this we are worried about the case cracking, or the screen coming off, or something shorting in the circuitry.

Revised-THIS

But when we say “break” we are actually worried about the case cracking, or the screen coming off, or even something shorting in the circuitry.

Original-THAT

They also were like lightbulbs in the way that they needed to be replaced.

Revised-THAT

They also were like lightbulbs in how they needed to be replaced.

Use of things like “says” or “states”

The only use of citations currently in my paper are inline in the same tone as the original author as a continuation of my sentence, or as a citation of a number or figure. There are no used of simple language such as says or states in the paper outside of the term “United States”.

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